Standstill.

I've felt better lately,
I guess you could say.
I mean, I'm not as upset as I used to be,
and I don't cry as much as I used to,
but my mindset hasn't changed.


Maybe it was just cause
of the stress during the school year
with
grades,
lack of sleep,
people around me,
expectations,
etc.


Or maybe
now
I'm just used to it.
Either way,
both things are bad no matter
how you look at it.


Right?

So, I'm getting my braces off next month, yay!
I lied when I said I had only one broken only one bracket,
but the lady didn't squeal on me when she found the other.
She's nice.
But I'm excited,
and kind of sad.

Another chapter in my life
will finally be over
3 years.
Gone
and
forgotten.

And I've been down all week.

Maybe I can blame it on the weather.
Maybe I can blame it on my family.
Maybe I can blame it on myself.
Maybe there is no one to blame.

It's warm.
I'm warm.

And there's warm blood pumping through my body,
but,
There are tears
frozen
behind my eyelids.

I've been okay lately,
not as bad as I have been these past
year
couple of months.
I haven't cried about the things I usually do.
I haven't thought about the things I usually do.
Maybe that's good.

I've been sick the past week of summer vacation.
Kind of sucks,
second week of summer vacation sick!
Just my luck.

I had a dream last night.
I had a dream last night that
I was
very very
sad.
I walked out my house
and up the street
with my glossy eyes.
I saw you come out your house,
orange and white pin-stripe blouse,
glasses set off to a slight tint,
your short, standing, silver hair combed over to the left,
and blue jeans.
I approached you.
wrapped my arms around you,
and buried my face in the space below your chest.
You were warm
and
I was cold.
Cold tears stained the front of your blouse,
and you picked me up
and
held me like you would trying to comfort a baby.
I wrapped my arms around your neck,
and cried into your left shoulder.
You are warm
so
so
warm.
I am cold.
So
so
cold.

Can I stay here
and
cry
just a little bit longer?